I was told when i worked at wendys a few times that i looked way too happy for being at my job. None of them realized that that is what i was being payed for. Actually i was made fun of by workers too, a few times to the face but im sure a lot behind my back. Once a new girl was there and had to watch me and she made fun of my voice while i was taking an order and then proceeded to actually ask the customers how they felt about it. I teared up haha because i guess i am so sensitive. She grew on me quickly though she was so different and outspoken and from a very different generation but so young hearted.  i just felt like that was the only appropiate demeanor, they didnt need to know a thing about me, im just like the wawa computer. Even the wawa computer things are delightful a little bit right? All the colors they put and maybe a little cute animation. Me just being nice is like that to computers. Im just being payed to be a pleasant information pathway. I sincerely hope that i dont have to work another job like that though! I dont want to have to talk to people that i dont know as the main job, it was fine but i just dreaded going and i cannot stand that feeling!

STRESSED AS FUCK

Lost my phone yesterday at acme or someone took it out of my car cause I didn't lock it. I realized by the time i pulled in my driveway and already once again it was completely gone. 2 of the three things i actually care about are gone. Now i just cant lose my keys... from watching mr robot Im scared someones going to hack into my phone but I dont care that much i guess. At least I downloaded google photos so I should have all of my photos but Im a damn mess if i couldve just remebered my fucking apple id I wouldve been able to find it but i dont write down all my usernames and passwords in a password safe like i should and i only had 16gb on my phone so i never could download things so i never saw my apple id in like a year at least. And i was retuning my iphone in 2 weeks. Now i have to pay 200 $ for it -__- my brother has a galaxy 6 though that hes gonna give to me. He just made a 21,000 bonus from september so he can pay off a lot of student debt :)

Heart hurting so much and never have any energy whatsoever 

Forgot I bought sum Kratom 2 years ago and with all the news about it I remembered and just found it. It says Bali on the bag and it's a red bag. I gotta do hw so I gotta look up the effects cause if it'll make me tired I'll do it tonight. I'm drinking sum coffee right now to wake me up and my kitten fell asleep on my arm so I'm typing with one hand. I bought 28 grams I have no clue how much is left, probably like 10 but I have no clue on how to eye powder. If it's weed I'll know the exact point just by looking at it haha:3

Edit* found that it's supposed to mimic opiate effect. I have no tolerance to opiates so maybe I'll get something off this. It's supposed to be sedative but honestly my anxiety generally is out the roof and most things that are supposed to sedate me just make me feel okay to do stuff like hw. I have messed around with benzodiazepines the tiniest bit but realize they are highly addictive so have only used them for fun and never as an anti anxiety medication. I personally believe highly addictive substances should only be used for fun about 1 time a month or less to keep someone from ever getting addicted. I don't take any medication. I drove an hour into Pennsylvania the wrong way yesterday and ended up in a hood that reminded me of Camden. Once I realized I was so off track I parked and got out to look around and figure out where the hell I was. My vape also died and I saw a man on his porch smoking so I called out to him asking if I could buy a cigarette off him for a dollar. He said I could just have it and when I came up to him and tried grabbing the cigarette my hand shook so badly that I dropped my keys and almost dropped my lighter. I told him I was just anxious from getting lost which was the truth but I'm sure I looked like I was withdrawing from some serious drug. My anxiety is so bad that my hands shake uncontrollably it's so embarrassing to look like I'm a drug addict or something and I know people have thought that about me before probably. One time someone from my school hmu asking if I knew where to get pills and I'm almost sure it's because he's seen me shaking really badly and just expects I must do that or something. I just am a stoner:)

Stopped smoking cigarettes about a month ago. Got a 60$ vape that works amazing.

Went to visit my brother. His apartment is amazing and catching up with him was amazing I love him. 

Bus hit my car in New York. Came back to my car as bus was knocking off side mirror so bus company paid the 1,200$ I would have been so fucked if I didn't find it right on time.

School work is a lot. Having a hard time concentrating. Proud I was first to get a program to work in my class. Love my math teacher so much! He reminds me a little of my dad and is just a very good and reasonable teacher. 

I really like all of my teachers so much this semester. My French Teacher is this bousie chick who's 40 something and sweet and just a damn show to watch.

My jazz teacher I think is from Haddon township and he's really cool he has opinions that I respect and agree with and he is passionate about his music and teaching which keeps things interesting. My computer science teacher is great she's very knowledgeable, kind and eccentric yet dresses very classy and has a bit of a grandmom vibe and is about 55 . She is someone to look up to. My forrensics teacher is this Jewish Russian guy that fought in the Cold War. He teaches at temple and is researching here so I know he's extremely smart but he's a fumbling bumbling mess and I love watching him bump around the class room so lost.

The things my brother has experienced seem so cool. Me Keira and Jeff all stayed and we ordered vegan food and saw an awesome show, explored Brooklyn and went to Coney Island. His apartment is beautiful the view off the roof is amazing and the furniture he's bought himself is all really nice. I'm so proud of him that he's doing so well for himself. he always has good intention and he deserves what he has. I learned a lot about him and it was all to be suspected although I haven't seen him in forever I always feel like I understand him and know him wholly. I think we are a lot alike.